Thursday, August 20, 2020

Ask Judy; A Case that was 'Florida Mammal Weird'

 


Judy: Toilet guy?


Nick: Definitely toilet guy.


Judy: For legal reasons I can't exactly mention names, but if you lived in Zootopia , or follow newspapers based here you probably heard about the toilet bandit.


Nick: It started as one of those little side stories buried in the back of the Zootopian Query. But as the bandit grew bolder...well...it actually started to get a significant amount of attention.


Judy: For those who don't know, there was a mammal going around...stealing toilets and urinals. All different types, but always thoroughly used.


Nick: It started with mouse sized porto-potties disappearing from work sites. At least, that's what we thought at first.


Judy: As it turned out, the thefts had started with uprooting toilets from soon to be demolished houses, but...I mean, no one reported on those at first.


Nick: Because it's sort of arguable wether or not stealing a toilet from a property that's about to be demolished is actually theft...


Judy: Either way, once it extended to toilets being yanked out of micro-fauna houses that mammals actually lived in during the night, that's when it reached the point where the 'toilet bandit' label stuck.


Nick: Of course, he didn't just stop at micro-fauna toilets. He went on to steal from public restrooms of varying sizes, as well as apartments and houses that had recently seen the occupants leave.


Judy: They even managed to nab a Megafauna toilet from the Zootopian Muesuem of natural history.

Nick: From the restroom. It...wasn't on display.


Judy: Pretty sure most folks would assumed that.


Nick: You say that now, but don't forget they had a 'history of plumbing' traveling exhibit last summer.


Judy: Still, his MO was stealing 'recently used' toilets.


Nick: I'm merely clarifying Carrots.


Judy: Anyway, long story short it turned out to be a skunk who worked as one of the planners in city hall.


Nick: At this point I can count on two paws how many cases have led us to a suspect working in city hall? Still, it made it all the more surprising he was able to successfully steal that megafauna toilet by himself.


Judy: Yeah...he was using that one as a bed as it turned out. *Shudders*


Nick: Turns out he had an obsession with horrible smells. The fella was born without a skunks signature scent glands, which would normally be considered a boon to most skunks. A lot of them get those things removed later in life. But for his family stink glands were like...a huge deal? I don't know, I didn't read the write up on his psychological profile.


Judy: Long story short, abuse in his family caused him to fetishize being stinky, and filth, and once he secured a position where he'd have easy access to the kind of...filth he wanted, he started stealing toilets.


Nick: The more he stole, the more his mental state unraveled, he got more ambitious but sloppier with his heists, and we caught him.


Judy: He kept the mouse sized toilets in a drawer in his desk at work, where according to his account he would...periodically huff out of them.


Nick: And as Judy said, the megafauna toilet was back at his house, along with all the other larger toilets. And yes, he did sleep in it.


Judy: So...yeah, that's probably the strangest case we've had to deal with.


Nick: now, now Carrots. Stangest case we've had so far... As long as were on the job, there's always some mammal out there who could steal the top spot.



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