Vernon: Zebra's 'er jerks huh? Well...I'm gessin' if I had to spend my life wearin' a pelt that looked like some mammal gave me a 'dazzle paint' job, I'd have a chip on my shoulder too...
Dawn: *Snort* *Giggle* Puppy!
Nick: *Laughs* Damn, beat me to it. Granted I don't know what a "dazzle paint' job" is, but I'm sure I could have come up with a pretty decent substitution. Something more palatable to a general audience.
Vernon: It's somethin' they used to do to ships durin' The Great War, paintin' em like a crazy mess disoriented enemies from spottin' 'em.
Dawn: Did Dom tell you that?
Vernon: Hey, I know some history stuff! I mean...I mean I was a straight B student, and-.
Dawn: *flashes the wolf a dubious expression, a small smirk crossing her muzzle.* Puppy...
Vernon: Alright fine, it was Dom...
Dawn: Last 'wolf club' meeting?
Nick: Wolf club? You guys have a club now? I hope you have jackets...
Vernon: It's more of a...'er...wolf's night out. Kodi pushed fer me and Wade to be there, even iffin' I don't drink.
Nick: As if you and Dawn weren't already enough of a buzzkill, the whole 'I don't drink' adds a whole 'nother level.
Judy: Nick. Dial it back...
Vernon *Coughs* Anywho, I mean...I ain't got much experience with Zebra folk, especially when it comes to a herd's worth at a time. I vaguely knew a zebra in high school, but she was a total sweetheart...at least based on my few interactions with her. What about you Darlin'?
Dawn: Well, as most of our listeners are probably aware by now, I...didn't have much of a social life even in college. I mean, there were a few Zebras at college, but I never really interacted with them. And in terms of fights...I mean, unless a mammal was killed on campus during one, I didn't really hear about it. I was...more focused on keeping my head down and studying.
Nick: Again, you guys sure are party animals huh?
Judy: Nick. Behave.
Vernon: Well what about you guys? Y'all work for the ZPD right?
Nick: No, I'm actually a male stripper. This is just my favorite costume from my collection.
Judy: *Slaps paw to her muzzle in a desperate attempt to stifle her snicker.* N-Nick!
Vernon: Well I mean iffin' anyone one of us had an interaction like this with a herd o' Zebra, I figure it'd be some police officers. Wade?
Wade: I mean, not really Vernon. You don't exactly see a lot of...'Savannah mammals' living up in Tundra town. It's usually a little too cold fer 'em.
Dawn: What about Giselle?
Wade: Giselle is what y'all would call an outlier. She actually likes the cold, and adamantly refuses to be forced to live Savannah Central just because Downtown is pretty much the only place with Megafauna Housing.
Vernon: Well what about y'all Nick and Judy? Surely you got some stories.
Judy: Well, It probably isn't really safe to-.
Nick: Oh yeah, Zebras are total jerks, and that's putting it lightly.
Judy: NICK!
Nick: What, I'm just stating a fact.
Judy: That's speciest!
Nick: What? This is coming from a mammal who will freely admit that a lot of inner-city foxes tend to be domestic abusers or total alcoholics, there's no bias here. And considering how many 'zebra fights' we've had to break up, usually with two or three of them spending a night in jail, I'd say it's a fair assessment.
Judy: Ugh...We are going to be in so much trouble.
Vernon: So iffin' that's true, why do y'all think they 'er like that.
Nick: Well, most of the times we've had to deal with ornery herds of Zebra, they were usually at a nightclub, strip joint, or bar. I think grouping together kind of activates this sort of primal...territorial tic in them.
Judy: To be fair, a lot of pack or herd mammals have issues like that. It's why the term is called a 'pack mentality'.
Nick: Plus, it's usually an all-male group, and on the young side too, so the testosterone is surging. Couple that with the fact that they are usually drinking or on some 'blue moon' and you've got a bunch of rowdy stallions ready to start trouble with whatever mammal happens to glance their way.
Vernon: Blue moon?
Judy: It's a night howler-based recreational drug that's wormed its way onto the streets. It's really rife in seedy nightclubs and bars right now, which only amplifies problems like this.
Nick: *Chuckles*
Judy: What's so funny?
Nick: Sorry, I was just imagining a world where they never changed prison uniforms to that orange little number. Can you imagine a bunch of zebras in the old horizontal stripes get-up? *Laughs* Talk about a dazzle paint job, they'd look naked from a distance!
Judy: *Rolls her eyes*, And you wonder why your jokes got you banned from posting on the ZPD's official Critter?
Nick: Hey! That three-humped camel joke is a classic! It's not my fault Critter has no sense of humor!
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