Judy: Toilet
guy?
Nick:
Definitely toilet guy.
Judy: For legal
reasons I can't exactly mention names, but if you lived in Zootopia ,
or follow newspapers based here you probably heard about the toilet
bandit.
Nick: It
started as one of those little side stories buried in the back of the
Zootopian Query. But as the bandit grew bolder...well...it actually
started to get a significant amount of attention.
Judy: For those
who don't know, there was a mammal going around...stealing toilets
and urinals. All different types, but always thoroughly used.
Nick: It
started with mouse sized porto-potties disappearing from work sites.
At least, that's what we thought at first.
Judy: As it
turned out, the thefts had started with uprooting toilets from soon
to be demolished houses, but...I mean, no one reported on those at
first.
Nick: Because
it's sort of arguable wether or not stealing a toilet from a property
that's about to be demolished is actually theft...
Judy: Either
way, once it extended to toilets being yanked out of micro-fauna
houses that mammals actually lived in during the night, that's when
it reached the point where the 'toilet bandit' label stuck.
Nick: Of
course, he didn't just stop at micro-fauna toilets. He went on to
steal from public restrooms of varying sizes, as well as apartments
and houses that had recently seen the occupants leave.
Judy: They even
managed to nab a Megafauna toilet from the Zootopian Muesuem of
natural history.
Nick: From the
restroom. It...wasn't on display.
Judy: Pretty
sure most folks would assumed that.
Nick: You say
that now, but don't forget they had a 'history of plumbing'
traveling exhibit last summer.
Judy: Still,
his MO was stealing 'recently used' toilets.
Nick: I'm
merely clarifying Carrots.
Judy: Anyway,
long story short it turned out to be a skunk who worked as one of the
planners in city hall.
Nick: At this
point I can count on two paws how many cases have led us to a suspect
working in city hall? Still, it made it all the more surprising he
was able to successfully steal that megafauna toilet by himself.
Judy: Yeah...he
was using that one as a bed as it turned out. *Shudders*
Nick: Turns out
he had an obsession with horrible smells. The fella was born without
a skunks signature scent glands, which would normally be considered a
boon to most skunks. A lot of them get those things removed later in
life. But for his family stink glands were like...a huge deal? I
don't know, I didn't read the write up on his psychological profile.
Judy: Long
story short, abuse in his family caused him to fetishize being
stinky, and filth, and once he secured a position where he'd have
easy access to the kind of...filth he wanted, he started stealing
toilets.
Nick: The more
he stole, the more his mental state unraveled, he got more ambitious
but sloppier with his heists, and we caught him.
Judy: He kept
the mouse sized toilets in a drawer in his desk at work, where
according to his account he would...periodically huff out of them.
Nick: And as
Judy said, the megafauna toilet was back at his house, along with all
the other larger toilets. And yes, he did sleep in it.
Judy:
So...yeah, that's probably the strangest case we've had to deal with.
Nick: now, now
Carrots. Stangest case we've had so far... As long as were on the
job, there's always some mammal out there who could steal the top
spot.
