Ask the Ruminerds; Terrible Video Games

 

Vernon: Oh, they don't know...

Dawn: Don't know what?

Gus: Of course, they wouldn't know, I don't think they've ever asked this before. *Snickers*

Melanie: Oh no...now he's gonna drive back to his parents and get it.

Dawn: Get what? What are we talking about?

Vernon: Well...I er...I mean Gus should probably tell it...he's the one sittin' on it after all.

Gus: Well...as you guys know I'm an avid collector of a few things. B&B rulebooks, Minifigure sets, RPGs, that sort of stuff... but there is something else I used to collect...and that something was terrible games I'd pick up at yard sales and flea markets. 

Dawn: Wait, you collected 'bad' games? Why?

Gus: Morbid fascination I guess, maybe a desire to kinda theorize what went so wrong with each game. Some were also broken in a fun way, so there was that aspect, but regardless I made a habit of collecting them.

Vernon: Yeah, by the time we met y'all had a pretty hefty collection of 'em, even the really old ones...

Gus: Well my Dad was a dork, and a bit of a collector himself, so by the time I was old enough to pick up a controller I had access to his old Petari, Llamadore 64, NES, SNES, and even the ol' Preyga Genesis with all the terrible attachment things they made to keep it on life support. And havin' all those consoles and playing them as much as I did as a kid, I became aware really fast that some games seemed insanely difficult or super unfair. It was when my Dad caught me playing E.T. and bleating with impotent toddler-aged fury that he explained to me that some games were just bad. That it had nothing to do with my own skill level, it was just an awful game. That concept blew my young mind. I could imagine why someone would make a bad game, and my Dad really couldn't tell me. 

Vernon: Couldn't tell ya?

Gus: Well I mean it told me there was a bunch of reasons, companies being cheap, trying to rush stuff out, all sorts of stuff. But it still left me curious about design choices and stuff like that. So I started quizzing my Dad on all the games he had that were bad, and then I went right to playing them.

Melanie: My Gussy, the masochist...

Gus: By the time I met Vernon I had already started collecting 'bad games' alongside my retro and new consoles. Supermam' 64, Zippy R, of that one Doom clone for the SNES that they turned into a caprid bible game?

Vernon: And what's worse, he made me play 'em with him...

Dawn: No...

Vernon: Yep. Every time I came over and saw he had that...damn chest out...I knew I was in fer a rough sleepover...

Dawn: Chest?

Melanie: Gussy's Chest of gaming Horrors...

Gus: *chuckles evilly to himself* Yes, yes...and now that I've been reminded of its existence, I think it's time to bring it out of retirement...

Ask Dawn and Vern; Weirdopolis

 

(Wasty: First, before I get to the actual meat of the questions, I'll tell you it might be best to treat your idea like a televised show to start with...sort of in the vein of supernatural. What I mean is you can make a lot of shorter 'plot of the week' stories in the setting to both build on the world's lore and wet your appetite for the more overarching story you'd like to tell.  

Off the top of my head I can think a few 'episodic ideas' to suggest. Perhaps breaking up a ring of smugglers that are bringing something that would be 'totally benign in the outside world, but to many races in Weirdopolis it acts as a drug. Like holy water that demons use to get high, or pixie dust candy being used by actual pixies to get stuff done twice as fast. You could also pick a cryptid to pursue for an episode, like a new creature comes to the city and starts wreaking havoc, only to be tracked down to find out that all of those things were accidents because its species inadvertently causes bad luck wherever it goes. Or it could be a shapeshifter masquerading as a specific famous cryptid that they have to clear the name of. Or you can have a story that plays on appearances featuring a creature that looks obscenely hostile being framed by a creature that looks totally cute and innocent despite being the one responsible for something horrific. I had an abandoned pilot for something like that featuring two aliens, one styled after the aliens from aliens, and the other styled after a cartoony version of a grey alien. The grey alien was evil to the bone, and vaporized people and did all sorts of terrible things, but the more menacing-looking alien would get blamed. And now, let's turn it over to Dawn and Vern...)

Dawn: Oh how creative! I love the idea! 

Vernon: Yeah, sounds like a real interestin' concept that'd be really fun to read.

Dawn: That said, I don't think being 'conjoined' would be a good move for us...what with that probably having to make us related in some way, and thus we couldn't be together romantically. 

Vernon: I dunno what I'd wanna be...makes me sound like I ain't all that creative but really, I'm just purty happy bein' a wolf.

Dawn: Well it's not like you only play yourself during BnB Puppy Love, you come up with plenty of interesting characters for Gus' campaigns, so don't sell yourself short.

Vernon: Well, why don't y'all go first Honey Lamb...maybe iffin' I got something to play against I'll get the creative juices goin'.

Dawn: Mhh...*Scratches chin thoughtfully* I don't think I'd want to stay some sort of sheep...just because it feels sort of...limiting considering the space. And I'd honestly prefer to be something tall...ooh...y'know what weird legendary creature I've always had a soft spot for? The Flock Ness Monster. It might be fun to actually play as one in a space like this.

Vernon: That cause of yer 'Scottramish' Heritage?  

Dawn: I mean, it's still an interesting creature regardless, heritage or not. Of course, I guess playing as what most who actually believe in the Flock Ness Monster believe to be something similar to a Plesiosaur, I wouldn't just be tall, I'd be huge! Probably as big as Giselle if not bigger...

Vernon: And famous to boot...after all, there's only one of y'all, unless ya count those few stray 'other' lake monsters scattered about...which are probably just attempt's at creatin' tourism buzz.

Dawn: Well I suppose that would give me a good angle to stay a writer...after all who wouldn't want to read the 'Flock Ness Monster's" autobiography? 

Vernon: An autobiography on the Flock Ness Monster? That'd probably have to come out in multiple volumes considerin' how long that ol' gals been supposedly kicking around Scottram.

Dawn: *Giggles* No shortage of materials there, that's for sure. What about you Puppy?

Vernon: Hmm...well...I reckon...What about a Hellhound...one o' Hades own sinful soul trackers who 'er supposed to drag them folks back to Hades...dependin' on yer religion anyway. I could have a lot o' fun developin' a conflicted character like that...born from Hades but tasked with what you'd call a heavenly duty, sendin' bad souls where they belong...O' course that would lend me to doin' detective work probably...But I think I'd probably moonlight as Miss 'Flock Ness' bodyguard.

Dawn: I need a bodyguard?

Vernon: Of course y'all do, yer a famous cryptid! For every mammal that'd want to meet ya there'd be another that wanted to hunt and bag ya just so they could say the 'got' the Flock Ness Monster.

Dawn: I suppose...but I'd probably be very much a recluse or hermit if I'm basing this on the actual Flock Ness Monster. Trying to stay out of the public eye, keeping book signings to a minimum, avoiding cameras...how often would I need a bodyguard?

Vernon: Well, there ain't nothin' to stop someone from breakin' inta yer house iffin' they find out where ya are.

Dawn: Aside from the probably 3,000-pound dragon-like monster that lives there? *Giggles*

Vernon: Well, maybe this Hellhound's a bit smitten by ya too...Makes it hard to hang up his hat keepin' ya secure iffin' it means bein' away from ya fer too long...

Dawn: Aww...Puppy. You're sweet...But remember...I'm a big girl in Weirdopolis...and how big are hellhounds?

Vernon: Hey Wade and Gizzy make it work, I'm sure we could too.

Dawn: *Snickers* Well let's see, based on that I'd imagine a lot of our adventures take place sort of touring around the different places you could access from Weirdopilis. Signing books in the city itself, the fringes, the spaces between, other planets, etc...and whatever trouble we could run into doing that...

Vernon: Considerin' I'd be huntin' wayward souls on my downtime, I'd probably end up draggin' miss Nessie with me on a few cases involvin' malevolent spirits.

Dawn: We'd probably end up in Hades a few times too...considering what your work entails. So as for how much of our adventures would take place in the city versus the overall Weirdverse you've created, I couldn't say...especially considering my true home would be in Flock Ness.

Vernon: maybe the deep reaches o' Flock Ness connect to the fringes o' Weirdopolis...considerin' the nature of the place, I imagine there's a lot o' entrances to the city scattered all over the world...

Dawn: Well that certainly makes it easier to tie things together, and move around Animalia with ease.

Vernon: Either way, I think Gus could have a field day with this one...he loves weird worlds in RPGS, and I don't think y'all get weirder than this.

Dawn: It would probably be way on the back burner...Gus already has three back-to-back different campaigns already lined up for the group...so that probably frees him up for a new concept...sometime around Paige's fifth birthday?

Vernon: *Chuckles* Yeah, we're all livin' busy lives nowadays...but I don't think anyone's busier than that goat...well aside from maybe you Darlin'...

Dawn: Oh please, I stay home and I write and watch the lambs...there's a lot of downtime in there...usually spent staring at the computer screen while stuck on a specific passage of a book, or just falling asleep with Paige on the couch.

Vernon: And here I thought y'all were a mornin' person.

Dawn: This ewe needs her afternoon nap...especially if I want to keep up with a night owl like you. *Giggles*

(Wasty: Yeah, I'm sorry if this is a thinly veiled excuse to use my newly designed Deirdre Black Character with slight modifications. I'm just really in love with her design right now.)

Ask Wasty; Pawaii Error

 

Wasty: Ah shoot, well it was bound to happen eventually. There's a reason I call the ask blog 'soft canon', well two reasons actually. One is so I'm locked into ideas I come up with for characters on the fly if I come up with something better down the road. The other is of course that I may screw up a retroactive ask with a new ask. A lot of my...ask work for questions like this one aren't really kept track of...I don't go adding them to the "Series Bible" because I don't really expect them to come up in my fics, and if they do I'm prone to adjust it or totally revise it for the canon tales in the BellHunterverse. That said, it helps me a great deal when this stuff is pointed out as...between my brilliant note-taking skills and my health, as well as the scope of it all, stuff's bound to slip through the cracks.

So Pawaii, let's just go with my first answer. It's the better answer and still keeps the 'Pawcific Theater' skirmishes on track. Apologies for the near retcon guys. 

Ask Wasy; Howlingrad

 

Wasty: Howlingrad, like the modern day Volgograd, and former Stalingrad in our own universe, is in Grussia. Grussia in this universe is both bigger in some ways and smaller in others, as Grussia still contains portions of what are former soviet territories in our universe, while Sibearia has separated since the fall of the USSR to become its own country. So Howlingrad is buried a little bit deeper inside of Grussia by way of Azerbaijan and Georgia being part of Grussia, and its southern border extending to 'New Purrsia' aka, where Iran borders Azerbaijan in our own Universe.

Ask the Ruminerds; Skunk Romantics and Prance

 

Gus: I mean, I'd say yes, strictly due to the acting chops on Pepe Le Pew, even if it is...uncouth to talk about his work these days.

Melanie: I'm surprised it caught on back then...he's...I mean it's kinda grody how pushy he is and yet it's played for laughs.

Gus: Well it was aimed at kids anyway, I don't think they were thinking about the implications of each scenario, much less that kids would read anything deeper into it, or act it out. The bulk of it is low-brow "I smell super bad" humor anyway.

Vernon: Funny thang too...I always figured Maris was like...mostly horses.

Val: Can confirm actually, I've visited Ellie in Maris once or twice, and like...eighty percent of the mammals there are some sorta long-legged prey, usually horses.

Gus: Which makes it all the funnier that the 'pushy Prench skunk stereotype' became the dominant thought when folks thought of Marisians. The native population of Mustelids is like...fractionally tiny. But here we are...and then we had Fifi to re-enforce that image in the late eighties.

Vernon: Heh, I remember her...purty sure Zach had a lil' crush on that gal when we was growin' up. I distinctly remember finding a pin-up o' her under his bed.

Joel: Nice. Your brother has pretty good taste.

Gus: Naturally between the two of them, skunks have developed that flirtatious, romantic reputation...which they cling to for dear life because before that all they had was being seen as 'stinky'.

Broomie: And that stereotype is still fighting neck and neck alongside the romantic thing.

Melly: Can you call that a stereotype if it's true?

Dawn: I mean, there's a reason most skunks elect to have their spray glands removed...it's very...leaky from what I've heard. So they never quite know if they're going to have a slight accident and start stinking up the place...it sounds rough. It's better to just nip it in the bud and get rid of them as they don't...I mean it's not really a needed mechanism in modern times anyway.

Gus: I dunno, I mean it did save Fifi's life when that stalker tried to pounce on her in the 90s. 

Melanie: She still has her glands?

Gus: Prench Skunks are very big believers in being 'all-natural'. A few stinky situations in life are worth remaining 'in-tact' to them. Plus it was part of her act...though it was super exaggerated. Although she sprayed that boar so thoroughly that he was left blinded and puking, and the police had to carry him off while covering their own mouths with handkerchiefs. 

Joel: You're pretty knowledgable about the Gus...didn't take you for a prench physical comedian fan...

Gus: I am literally just reading this stuff off Wikipawdia on my phone.

Joel: Aww...and here I thought you were cultured.

Gus: Stinky comedy isn't high-class comedy...it's not cultured. And it's not funny.

Val: Sexual assault-based comedy, on the other paw, is hilarious...

Ask Kodi: Zootopian Reserve and the Last Night

 

Kodi: I'm gonna assume you mean if there were any co-conspirators in the ranks or not, and not if we were called in to handle any part of it...but I guess I'll tackle both. The original Night Howler Scandal with Misses...er...Hunter-Bellwether was largely a ZPD affair, but we...well they, were called in to help with clean-up involving the subway crash. I wasn't in the Zootopia Reserve yet, so I had this stuff explained to me second paw by some of the other guys in my unit who were called in. Under normal circumstances, something like a subway derail or building fire would be handled by the ZFD. But because the car was loaded full of chemical compounds and liquid Night Howler, the Zootopian Reserve was called in to act as a Liquidation team. Full hazmat gear, gas masks, chemical clearing hoses, the whole nine yards. Granted it wasn't a massive crash, and thankfully the area was fairly empty so not too many mammals were exposed to Night Howler fumes before the area could be evacuated.

The whole Last Night Scandal was a different animal in terms of containing the mess. The Woolery Winery Fire was way bigger, and thanks to...someone taking out the electrical grid in the local area by way of firing wildly into a local transformer with a shotgun-.

Vernon: I'd apologize...but I saved Dawn's life...it was worth it.

Kodi: Still...it made it way harder to get all the equipment working without running some serious long-distance cables out and bringing in generators. 

Dawn: Were you in the Reserve at that point?

Kodi: Yeah, but my unit was off duty at the time, and so two other units were called in to clean up the mess. Luckily, the burning night howler fumes were being carried out to sea rather than into Downtown Tundra Town. But from what the guys who were there that night told me, they were racing against the clock because the local forecast was predicting a wind change that would have blown it all back toward the city.

Vernon: *Winces* Cuttin' it close huh?

Kodi: You have no idea. I heard despite their best efforts two of the liquidators still got exposed to Howler and had to be restrained and carried off to be treated. They finally managed to get it entirely suppressed around sundown, just an hour before the wind change, thank the gods...

Dawn: I realize it is...sort of my fault for that...but it was either taking that risk of my Father and his goons flooding the entire city with the toxin...

Kodi: No, believe me, I don't blame you. Those fellas I spoke to didn't blame you either...most of 'em said they would have done the same thing.

Dawn: That's a bit of a relief...

Kodi: As for if anyone was involved with Aster's conspiracy in the top brass, well...I'm not too familiar with the tippin' top of the Brass. I know Lt. Vickks wasn't involved, er' Colonel Rocke-er Rathkone. But I'm pretty sure there was a Major who was implicated. A ram at a different base. Oh, and a retired lieutenant general Rhino living in Tundra Town, but I couldn't tell you their names without asking around. That said, the dishonorable discharges levied before the trial, and the stripping of titles from that retiree was supposed to be pretty brutal. Some of the fellas at the base still mention it...Apparently, you could hear officials screamin' from the tribunal all the way out to the hangars that day, especially from Colonel Rathkone.

Vernon: The commander has a bellow on him huh?

Kodi: Absolutely...you can always hear him dressing down soldiers from half a mile away, wolf hearing or no. And that's a real feat considering the dude is a less than three-foot tall raccoon.

Ask the Ruminerds; Kung Fu Panda Trilogy

 

Gus: Probably one of the best Kung Fu movie trilogies, hooves down.

Joel: Seconded...It's a great mixture of like classic Kung Fu style plot lines and intrigue...not to mention the humor.

Gus: Oh yeah, it's amazing how the...I don't even know how to describe it properly. It's like it's paced in such a way that you don't get tonal whiplash from switching from the more comedic elements to the serious moments to the badass fight scenes...It's like it finds a way to strike a perfect balance of all those things and somehow maintains it for three films.

Joel: That's what happens when you keep the team and director consistent across the entire project. The director came in with a plan and a vision and worked with a super-talented team to get it done.

Melanie: I'm just amazed they were able to make those 'non-mammalian' characters actually feel real despite being CGI

Joel: Well not all of them were CG. Master Monkey was actually a fox in a monkey suit and makeup. The ones that were total CG were Master Viper and Master Mantis...Hey...did anyone else find Master Viper kinda hot?

Gus: Ew, no.

Melanie: Nope.

Vernon: Nah...

Broomie: Ehhh....

Dawn: Not really...

Megumi: Absolutely. One hundred percent.

Joel: Thanks for backing me up babe.

Megumi: I would let that snake coil me up and do things to me, and I'm not even into girls...

Melanie: Speaking of, was I....mam' this is gonna sound weird considering who I'm friends with...but was anyone else put off by the romantic subtext between Master Tigress and Po?

Vernon: You were put off by interspecies subtext? *The wolf quirks a brow*

Melanie: No! No! I mean, look you and Dawn are great together. Broomie and Talia, Joel and Megumi, I'm not judging, I love you guys. It's not a species thing it's...I mean Tigress is so cool, and like...Po is super lame...

Broomie: This is coming from you...of all mammals? Seriously? *Broomie glances at Gus, then back to Melly before nodding his head toward the billy.*

Gus: *Gives Broomie a dull glare before shifting his attention back to his mate.* Babe...

Melanie: What? WHAT?

Gus: *Rolls his eyes*

Melanie: Oh come on, I'm not saying...*Shakes her head* Look, you aren't...I'm not cool!

Joel: So Gus is lame then? *Snickers*

Melanie: NO! Gussy I'm not making like...Po's annoying and fat!

Vernon: Ain't most Panda's fat? 

Megumi: Generally...Red Panda's also tend to be on the chunky side...it's a bear family thing. We're big-boned and built to put on weight fast...make's it tough to lose it.

Melanie: You aren't annoying or fat Gussy! You know I love you!

Dawn: Melly, stop digging before you hit a sewage main, please...

Vernon: He is grouchy a lot of the time though...

Broomie: And frustrating to argue with...

Joel: And mean...

Gus: *Rolls his eyes* I feel. SO loved. Right now...

(Wasty: In this universe, I see the Kung Fu Panda trilogy as a series of action films for adults. If I were to equate it to something similar in our world, it would probably be something between crouching tiger hidden dragon, and Kung Fu Hustle.  With maybe just a pinch of my favorite kung fu film of all time, Kung Pow, enter the fist.)

Ask Wasty; North Mammlian Colonialism

 

Wasty: I'd say fairly similar. Although Zootopia being founded was the 'joint effort' of multiple nations and so it remained a sort of neutral, sovereign place, North Mammalia was still colonized by the Kittish, at least on the east coast. The Mexicat and Prench weren't traded to North Mammalia, but agreed to join into a coalition with the colonies once they had broken away from Kitten after the revolutionary war. This would essentially end up laying the blueprint for how North Mammalia would go on to function in the future, with groups of states making up 'regions' largely created by previous territorial lines.

The civil war still happens, though it's less about slavery and more about economic priorities and representation in the United New Kingland government. Slavery does exist, but what with it being scattershot among a variety of different species it was...significantly harder to justify why one species should be slaves and another shouldn't. Thus slavery was less popular and largely looked down upon by both sides of the conflict. I imagine slavery, in terms of Alambtic Corridor States was probably more akin to the Roman version, whereas slaves could earn freedom and become naturalized citizens. But the United New Kingland region of North Mammalia would take the position of slavery being an absolute non-starter, and the Atlambitc Corridor maintained that 'earned freedom' form of slavery in a very limited capacity for several years after the conflict.

I wouldn't say the south won in this war, more like both sides reached a point where they were willing to agree to make what would become the "Atlambtic Corridor States" its own grouped region after significant losses on both sides. In the end though, it only took about another fifty years for the "Atlambtic Corridor States" to largely align with the United New Kinglish States in terms of economic pursuits and their stances on slavery.

Kitten meanwhile would continue to colonize much like its real-world counterpart, squatting in Bindia, and taking Hog Kong. It would largely still be unpleasant for Bindia, and reflected on guiltily by modern Kittish folk. Great Kitten would, however, have had a great deal less colonized areas in Afrikat in this universe, as South Afrikat played the role of competing colonizer when it came to that continent. And despite how big and developed South Afrikat is today, it is still plagued by a host of Mammalian Rights issues and other horrors. They even had their own version of an Arpartied, the effects of which are still being felt today.

Oh also, Alaska and Hawaii are not part of the NMU in this universe. Pawaii is considered part of Japanda, and Alaska is partitioned into the "Klondike Region" and Sibearia, with sibearian soil spilling onto the North Mammalian continent. Naturally, this made the cold war that much scarier with having Grussian outposts on North Mammalian soil, and also made Canidea and its regions more war ready and on-guard than its counterpart in our world.

Ask Wasty: The ZBI

 

Wasty: Given the fact that Zootopia is its own independent city-state, with its own government, it's a given it would have a ZBI. That said when compared to the equivalent in significantly larger nations, I imagine Zootopia's ZBI is rather small. Maybe less than one hundred employees total, working out of offices nestled within the different ZPD buildings across the city. Their job is largely the same I'd imagine, dealing with threats to Zootopian security with long-term stealth investigations, monitoring chatter on the web, that sort of thing. Basically slow burn investigations that don't require urgent scrutiny. That said, the minimal size of the ZBI has hurt their ability to keep tabs on all the goings on they would prefer to keep track of, which led to two massive blunders that really damaged their reputation in recent years. Those blunders were of course the Night Howler Scandal and the Zootopia's Last Night Case.

With the Night Howler case, the nature of it and lack of coherent chatter surrounding it led the ZBI to believe, like much of the general public, that it was some sort of virus or predator-specific tic. What little work was done on their end regarding the situation was digging into foreign channels to see if it was some sort of Biological warfare effort from a foreign government. As the Night Howler attacks ramped up, Predators on staff were pressured to leave the organization, and most of them did not return after the true nature of the case broke. Naturally once Dawn was exposed, of the many fingers of blame pointed by the public, a number of them fell on the ZBI for their failure to find out the true nature of the conspiracy despite the tools at their disposal. Needless to say, confidence in the organization was wounded.

However, when the Last Night Case occurred, and many powerful mammals and sycophants were exposed and planted in various organizations and political roles, the ZBI included, public trust in the organization completely bottomed out. This led to even more ZBI agents, (The ones who weren't found to be co-conspirators), retiring early or quitting altogether, and brought us to our current number of active agents being around fifty or less or so when it had close to one hundred pre-Night Howler Scandal. At present the ZBI is in a bit of disarray, much of its investigative tools have been turned over to the ZPD while the organization is restructured by the order of Mayor Snow. Whether it proves to be a competent organization after the restructuring is unknown, only time will tell.