Nick and Judy: Weaselton.
Bogo: *Groans* Weaselton...
Wade: Even I know who Weaselton is...we've picked him up a few times in our district. One of them times that idiot got his tongue stuck to a lamppost while tryin' ta make off with some ol' lady sheep's purse.
Nick: Seriously? *Laughs* How?
Wade: Well, based on the witness testimony, and the evidence at the scene, seems like he tried ta yank the purse away, and whipped around to run without fully gettin' his bearin's while tryin' to flee as fast as his legs could carry him. He barley made it two steps before collidin' face-first into the pole, and his maw was wide open.
Judy: Knowing Duke, probably because he was laughing like a maniac...
Wade: By the time me and Mavsa got to the scene, the ol' ewe had been wailin' on him fer a good ten minutes with her cane...*Snickers* She couldn't really hurt him all that much considerin' the gal was kickin' around her nineties, but even weak little thwaps can start to wear y'all down after ten minutes...
Nick: What about you Finn?
Finnick: *Scratches chin thoughtfully.* Hmm...still you Nick...
Nick: *Nick feigns being slighted* Ouch, Francis you wound me...
Finnick: *Growls* Keep my first name outcha mouth Wilde...I've only gotten better at taking down mammals ten times my size since joining the ZPD. I won't even break a sweat dealin' with you...
Nick: *Laughs* Hey, what I lack in physical strength I make up for in being charismatic and quick on my feet...
Judy: *Gets between the two tods, holding her paws out to keep them at a distance from each other.* Alright, alright, guys. You're both pretty, so please stop winding each other up. I don't want to have to arrest two of my fellow officers.
Nick: Fine, fine...I'll save my barbed wit for another target for now...like the other Hunter Officers perhaps?
*Dorian glares at the tod, causing him to shrink into his shoulders.*
Nick: *Coughs* N-not you of course Sheriff...
Dorian: A 'course not Officer Wilde...but do try and cut my boys some slack alright...y'all should know by now what with bein' a fancy city cop how hard police work actually is...
Nick: R-Right...yessir...*Gulps*
Dorian: Up where I'm from we got a few...dim bulbs flickerin' in and out of the station every so often. The Baah'ly Brothers fer one...usually startin' bar fights er' vandalizin' folks crops...they've even tried their hooves at hoaxin' a few crop circles which got my boy Ully's hackles up...Then there's old George Boarson's son, Billy Boarson...that boy ended up on the sex offender registry thanks to stickin' his willy in a buncha places it don't belong, and several o' those times we got called to pull the poor idiot out of whatever he got himself 'stuck' in.
Judy: *Cringes* Do I want to know this?
Dorian: He's purty harmless...mostly got caught with his pig pecker in a bunch of inanimate thangs...Although there was one time he tried to get frisky with one of ol' Shetland's Ostriches... *Winces* That was the one that got him bumped up from local sex pervert to registered sex offender...As well as a nasty talon scar on his face fer his trouble...
*Yuri and Trent look at each, a mixture of disgust and amusement on their faces as they stifle a laugh*.
Wade: What's so funny?
Yuri: Nothin' nothin'...just *Snrk* Got a bunch o' jokes about Billy Boarson stuffin' bird hittin' my brain all at once. *Pft*
Trenton: *PFFT*Thank the gods it weren't just me... remember the ol' rhyme they had kickin' around when we was teens...
Yuri: *In a sing-songy tone* Billy Boarson boffed a bird.
Trenton: *Now joining in Yuri's tenor* Although I'm sure it sounds absurd.
Yuri: He grasped and gripped while the big bird squirmed. And sprayed its feathers with ropes of-.
Dorian: *Cuts Yuri off* Alright, alright, I know how it goes...I know we're all cops here, but try to keep the gutter talk to a minimum boys...
Yuri: *Rolls his eyes* Psh, fine...I'll just talk about my dumbest perps...most of which are o' course, gang members...Usually pups so y'all expect 'em to be dumb.
Dorian: Anythin' serious?
Yuri: Not from the young ones. Usually, they get busted fer spray paintin' er' dealin' nip er' toad drops er' lichen gum...I've picked up a number of 'em just walkin' down the road with a crate o' booze, lookin' nowhere near eighteen...Then me and Lance get to listen to them struggle to make excuses fer themselves 'er adamantly declare they're adults but fergot their wallet. The dumbest stories they're just prayin' we'll take at face value and let 'em off...
Trenton: How long do you let them go on for before taking them in?
Yuri: As long as it takes to hang themselves, which don't take long fer 'em to do... Of course, we let 'em go longer iffin' it's real funny. *Chuckles*
*The assembled cops laugh knowingly*
Yuri: We also got a homeless guy called ol' Gus, kind of a crotchety old jaguar who spends most of his days proletizin' about the end times on street corners...*Laughs* Kinda reminds me of Ully actually...just without a handler in Honey.
*Dorian snorts, clearly unimpressed by Yuri's comparison of Ully to a crazy homeless mammal*
Yuri: We take him down to the station from time to time iffin' he has one of his more aggressive days, er' needs to sleep off some booze fer the night. Dumb as a box o' rocks but loves to talk to anyone who will listen, so me and Lance get subjected to a lot o' his crazy stories...
Trenton: Sounds more sad than dumb...
Yuri: Well, one o' my favorite dumb perp stories features Gus just walkin' into a carrot phone store and yanking a tablet out of its stand. Then he goes out the nearest corner and just plops down there to toy with it...So we get called out, and he tells me, Lance, and the manager standin' there, watchin' him use the tablet that he always had it. Despite the fact he'd never got past the lock screen...and the metal brackets and torn USB cable were still hangin' off the damn thang...
Dorian: Sound like them kids you was talkin' about earlier...
Yuri: Yeah, well those kids wouldn't have been as dumb as to start writin' a grocery list in Sharpie on the tablet, thinkin' that's how tablets work.
*The cops share a laugh*
Wade: What about you Trent?
Trenton: Eh, my job ain't got much to tell...I'm a trooper, not a cop. So most o' my dumb perps tend to come in the form of folks lyin' to get out of a speedin' ticket. I can't tell ya how many times I've had bunnies tryin' to convince me, totally stone-faced and serious that 'clearly my radar gun is broken, cause they were only goin' 55...' Meanwhile, I'm flippin' through the highway cams up the road catchin' stills of these folks blowin' past everyone else like it's a fast and furrious movie...
Dorian: It's really somethin' just how many folks will try to convince y'all, right to yer face, that they didn't break the law...it's like they got no other option but goin' fer broke...
Nick: I think that's the universal sign of a dumb perp.
Judy: At the very least a desperate one...
Finnick: Actin' like you didn't try your paw at that sorta crap when we worked our side hustles...
Nick: *Shrugs* Hey, I didn't necessarily think they'd go for it! I just figured maybe I could charm my way out of the situation...it worked...*Winces* Well sometimes...Till Carrots ruined my streak of good luck anyway...
Judy: More like dumb luck...
Nick: Hey, I'll take any luck I can get...*Laughs*
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